Toasts For All Occasions

Toasts for Any Occasion

To Age

A man is only as old as the woman he feels.

Groucho Marx
Do not resist growing old,
many are denied the privilege.


Here’s a health to the future
A sigh for the past;
We can love and remember,
and hope to the last,
And for all the base lies
That the almanacs hold
While there’s love in he heart,
We can never grow old.


Here’s hoping that you live forever
and mine is the last voice you hear.


Here’s that we may live to eat the hen
That scratches on our grave.


Long life to you and may you die in your bed.


May our lives, like the leaves of the maple, grow
More beautiful as they fade.
May we say our farewells, when it’s time to go,
All smiling and unafraid.


May the Lord love us but not call us too soon.
May virtue and truth
Guide you in youth
Catnip and sage
Cheer your old age.


May we keep a little of the fuel of youth to warm our body in old age.


May you enter Heaven late.
May you live as long as you want, may you never want as long as you live.


The good die young–here’s hoping that you may live to a ripe old age.


To the old, long life and treasure;
To the young, all health and pleasure.
You’re not as young as you used to be
but you’re not as old as you are going to be.

Anniversary Toasts


Here’s to loving, to romance, to us,
May we travel together through time.
We alone count as none, but together we’re one,
For our partnership puts love to rhyme.


Here’s to you both–
a beautiful pair,
on the birthday
of your love affair.
Let anniversaries come and let anniversaries go-but may your happiness continue on forever.
May the warmth of our affections survive
the frosts of age.
To your coming anniversaries-may they be outnumbered only by your coming pleasures.

Birthday Toasts

Although another year has past

She’s no older than the last!
Another candle on you cake?
Well, that’s no cause to pout
Be glad that you have strength enough
To blow the damn thing out!


Another year older? Think this way:
Just one day older than yesterday.


Happy birthday to you
and many to be,
With friends that are true
As you are to me!


Here’s to you! No matter how old you are,
you don’t look it!


May you live to be a hundred years with
one extra year to repent.


To your birthday, glass held high,
Glad it’s you that’s older–not I.
To The Birth of A Child Toast


A new life begun,

like father, like son.

A generation of children on the children of your children.


Every baby born into the world is a finer
one than the last.
Father of fathers, make me one,
A fit example for a son.Grandchildren are gifts of God.
It is God’s way. . .
Of compensating us for growing old.
May he/she grow twice as tall as yourself
and half as wise.


“The stork has brought a little peach!”
The nurse said with an air.
“I’m mighty glad,” the father said.
“He didn’t bring a pear.”


To Curses


Here’s to short shoes and long corns to our enemies.


May a band of gypsies camp in your belly and train bears to dance on your liver.


May all your enemies move in with you.


May his soul be forever tormented by fire and his bones be dug up by dogs and dragged through the streets of Minneapolis. . .


May the devil cut the toes off all our foes, that we may know them by their limping.


May the devil make a ladder of your backbone while he is picking apples in the garden of hell.


May the greatest doctors in the world know of your case.


May you be alone in paradise.


May you be proof that a human being
can endure anything.


May you never develop stomach problem
from too rich a diet.


May you never go to hell, but always be on your way.


May your nose run and your feet smell.


May your sex life be as good as your credit.

A Toast To Death


Cause of Death: Life.


All care to the wind we merrily fling,
For the damp, cold grave is a dead sure thing!
It’s a dead sure thing we’re alive tonight
And the damp, cold grave is out of sight.


Here’s to death, because death will give me one last bier.
May we all come to peaceful ends,
And leave our debts unto our friends.
Oh, here’s to other meetings,
and merry greetings then;
And here’s to those we’ve drunk with;
But never can again.


Over the hallowed graves may the winds of heaven whisper our benedictions.


Though life is now pleasant and sweet to the sense
We’ll be damnable mouldy a hundred years hence.


To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.


A Toast To Friends


A health to you,
A wealth to you,
And the best that life can give to you.


May fortune still be kind to you,
And happiness be true to you,
And life be long and good to you,
Is the toast of all your friends to you.


Absent friends–though out of sight we recognize
them with our glasses.
Don’t walk in front of me,
I may not follow.
Don’t walk behind me,
I may not lead.
Walk beside me,
And just be my friend.


Friendship: May differences of opinion cement it.


Friendship is the wine of life.
Let’s drink of it and to it.


Here’s to a friend. He knows you well
and likes you just the same.


Here’s to beefsteak when you’re hungry,
Whiskey when you’re dry,
Greenbacks when you are busted,
And Heaven when you die!


Here’s to cold nights, warm friends, and a
good drink to give them.
Here’s to Eternity–may we spend it in as
good company as this night finds us.


Here’s to friendship;
May it be reckoned
Long as a lifetime
Close as a second.


Here’s to our friends. . .and the strength
to put up with them.


Here’s to you, old friend, may you live a thousand years,
Just to sort of cheer things up this vale of human tears;
And may I live a thousand too–a thousand–less one day,
Cause I wouldn’t care to be on earth and hear you’d passed away.


May the friends of our youth be the
companions of our old age.


May the hinges of friendship never rust, nor the wings of love lose a feather.


May we have more and more friends,
and need them less and less!


Old friends are scarce,
New friends are few;
Here’s hoping I found
One of each in you.


The Lord gives our relatives,
Thank God we can choose our friends.


To our best friends, who know the worst about us
but refuse to believe it.


We’ll think of all the friends we know
And drink to all worth drinking to.


Here’s to you, here’s to me….
Best of friends we’ll always be….
And if by chance we disagree…..
F*ck you, here’s to me.


Friends may come and friends may go
Friends may peter out we know
We’ve been friends through thick and thin
peter out…or peter in.


General Toasts


Ad multos annos–to many years!


All that gives you pleasure.


Blue skies and green lights.


Call frequently,
Drink moderately,
Park friendly,
Pay today, trust tomorrow.


Days of Ease and Nights of Pleasure.


Delicious nights to every virtuous heart.


Good company, good wine, good
welcome make good people.


Good day, good health, good cheer, good night!


Here’s a toast to all who are here,
No matter where you’re from;
May the best day you have seen
Be worse than your worst to come.


Here’s to beauty, wit, and wine, and to a full stomach, a full purse, and a light heart.


It is best to rise from life as from the banquet, neither thirsty nor drunken.


Love to one, friendship to many, and good will to all.


May our faults be written on the seashore, and every good action prove a wave to wash them out.


May the clouds in your life form only a background for a lovely sunset.


May you have warmth in you igloo, oil in you lamp, and peace in your heart.


May we all live in pleasure in die out of debt.


May we be happy and our enemies know it.


May we live respected and die regretted.


May we live to learn well,
and learn to live well.


May we never do worse.


May we never feel want, nor ever want feeling.


May we never flatter our superiors or insult our inferiors.


May you always distinguish between
the weeds and the flowers.


May your life be as beautiful as a summer day with just enough clouds to make you appreciate the sunshine.


The riotous enjoyment of a quiet conscience.
Tis’ hard to tell which is best,
Music, Food, Drink, or Rest.


Its not so bad a world,
As some would like to make it;
But whether good or whether bad,
Depends on how you take it.


You shall and you shan’t,
you will and you won’t
You’re condemned if you do,
And you’re damned if you don’t.


Here’s to staying single,
seeing double . . .And sleeping triple!!


A Toast to Good Times


A speedy calm to the storms of life.


All of this has been a religious experience: a living hell.


Everybody in life gets the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summer and the poor in the winter.


Here’s a health to poverty; it sticks by us
when our friends forsake us.


Here’s to thee my honest friend,
Wishing these hard time to mend.


Laugh and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and it gives you the laugh anyway.


May poverty always be a day’s march behind us.


May the morning of prosperity shine on
the evening of adversity.


May the sunshine of comfort dispel the clouds of despair.


May we ever be able to part with our
troubles to advantage.


Remember the poor–it costs nothing.


The right time and place is coming for you,
don’t let it pass.

A Toast to Guests


Here’s to our guest-
Don’t let him rest.
But keep his elbow bending.
It’s time to drink-
There’s time to think
Tomorrow–when you’re mending.


May our house always be too small to hold all our friends.


The ornament of a house is the guests who frequent it.

You are welcome here

Be at your ease
Get up when ready
Go to bed when you please.


Happy to share with you
Such as we got
The leaks in the roof
The soups in the pot.


You don’t have to thank us
Or laugh at our jokes
Sit deep and come often
You’re one of the folks.


All of our guests make us happy.
Some by coming,
Others by going.

A Toast to Hell and Damnation


Here’s to Hell!
May the stay there
Be as fun as the way there.


Here’s to those who love us well–
Those who don’t may go to Hell!Here’s to you
Here’s to me
May we never disagree.
But, if we do,
to Hell with you–
and here’s to me!


A Toast to Husbands and Wives


Here’s to the man who loves his wife,
And loves his wife alone.
For many a man loves another man’s wife,
When he ought to be loving his own.


May your life be long and sunny
And your husband fat and funny


When the husband drinks to the wife, all would be well; when the wife drinks to the husband, all is.

A good wife and health,

Are a man’s best health

Here’s to the man who takes a wife,
Let him make no mistake;
For it makes a lot of difference
Whose wife it is you take.

To our wives and sweethearts. May they never meet.
A health to our widows. If they ever marry again may they do as well!

A Toast to Love and Lust


Because I love you truly,
Because you love me, too
My very greatest happiness
Is sharing life with you.


Brew me a cup for a winter’s night.
For the wind howls loud and the furies fight;
Spice it with love and stir it with care,
And I’ll toast your bright eyes, my sweetheart fair.


Come in the evening, or come in the morning,
Come when you are looked for, or come without warning,
A thousand welcomes you will find here before you,
And the oftener you come here the more I’ll adore you.


Do you love me
Or do you not?
You told me once
But I forgot.


Here’s to Cupid, the little squirt,
He’s lost his pants, he’s lost his shirt,
He’s lost most everything but his aim,
Which shows that love is a losing game.


Here’s to love, that begins with a
fever and ends with a yawn.


Here’s to the one and only one,
And may that one be he
Who loves but one and only one,
And my that one be me.


Here’s to the land we love and the love we land.


Here’s to the woman who is thrifty,
And knows it is folly to yearn,
And picks out a lover of fifty,
Because he has money to burn.


Here’s to the pictures on my desk. May they never meet.


Here’s to the water,
wishing it were wine
Here’s to you, my darling
Wishing you were mine.


Here’s to you,
May you live as long as you want to
May you want to as long you live.


Here’s to you who halves my sorrows
and doubles my joys.
I have known many,
liked a few,
Loved one–
Here’s to you!


Let us drink to love,
Which is nothing
Unless it is divided by two.


Love doesn’t make the world go around. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.


May love draw the curtain and friendship the cork.


May we kiss those we please and please those we kiss.


The love you give away is the only love you keep.


Here’s to Eve–mother of our race;
Who wore a fig leaf in just the right place.
And here’s to Adam–daddy of us all;
Who was Johnny-on-the-spot,
When the leaves began to fall.


Here’s to the girl who lives on the hill,
She won’t do it but her sister will.
So here’s to her sister.Here’s to the night I met you.
If I hadn’t met you, I wouldn’t have let you.
Now that I’ve let you, I’m glad that I met you.
And I’ll let you again, I bet you!


Here’s to you, so sweet and good.
God made you; I wish I could.


May the…May You


May meat always sweeten your pot.


May the day keep fine for you.


May the devil say a prayer for you.


May the horns of your cattle touch heaven.


May the path to Hell grow green for the lack of travelers.


May the road rise to meet you.


May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.


May the rocks in your field turn to gold.


May the saints protect you,
And sorrow neglect you,
And bad luck to the one
That doesn’t respect you.


May your milk never turn.


May your horses never stray.


May your hens always lay


May time never turn your head gray.


May what goes down not come back up again.


May you always wear silk.


May you die in bed at ninety five years, shot by a jealous husband/wife.


May you have the hindsight to know where you’ve been, the foresight to know where you’re going, and the insight to know when you’re going too far.


May you look back on the past with as much pleasure as you look forward to the future.


May you never have to eat your hat.

May you never make an enemy

when you could make a friend.


May your fire be as warm as the weather is cold.

May your fire never go out.


May your shadow never grow less.


May your well never run dry.


A Toast to Men and Women


Here’s to man–he is like a coal-oil lamp; he is not especially bright; he is often turned down; he generally smokes; and he frequently goes out at night.


Here’s to you, Mister
Whoever you may be.
For you’re just the man of the evening,
And nothing more to me.


I’ll drink to the gentleman who I think
Is most entitled to it;
For if anyone ever can drive me to drink
He certainly can do it.


Man is somewhat like a sausage,
Very smooth upon the skin;
But you can never tell exactly
How much hog there is within.


Man is the only animal that laughs, drinks when he is not thirsty, and makes love at all seasons of the year.


One must not become attached to animals: they don’t last long enough. Or to men: they last too long.


To the men I’ve loved
To the men I’ve kissed
My heartfelt apologies
To the men I’ve missed.


Women’s faults are many,
Men have only two–
Everything they say,
And everything they do.


Here’s to God’s first thought, “Man!”
Here’s to God’s second thought, “Woman!”
Second thoughts are always best.


Wedding Toasts


Health and Happiness!
May all your troubles be little ones.


For a second marriage: “Here’s to the triumph
of Hope over Experience.”


A toast to love and laughter and happily ever after.


A toast to the groom–and discretion to his bachelor friends.


Here’s to the Bride and Groom!
May you have a happy honeymoon,
May you lead a happy life,
May you have a bunch of money soon,
And live without all strife.


Here’s to the bride to be,
Here’s to the groom she’ll wed,
May all your troubles be light as bubbles
Or the feathers that make up your bed.


Here’s to the groom with bride so fair,
Here’s to the bride with groom so rare.


Here’s to the husband–and here’s to the wife;
May they remain lovers for life.


Let us toast the health of the bride;
Let us toast the health of the groom,
Let us toast the person that tied;
Let us toast every guest in the room.


To Marriage: A community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves–making it all two.


Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution.


May their joys be as bright as the morning, and their sorrows but shadows that fade in the sunlight of love.


May their joys be as deep as the ocean
And their misfortunes as light as the foam.


May we all live to be present at their Golden Wedding.


May you grow old on one pillow.


May you live forever, may I never die.


May your love be as endless as your wedding rings.


May your wedding days be few
and your anniversaries many.


Needles and pins, needles and pins
When a man marries his trouble begins.


Never above you. Never below you. Always beside you.


To my wife, my bride and joy.


To the newlyweds: May “for better or worse” be far better than worse.


Wedlock’s like wine–not properly judged until the second glass.


Toasts to Wine


God made Man, Frail as a bubble
God made Love
Love made trouble
God made the Vine
Was it a sin
That man made Wine
To drown trouble in?
A warm toast.
Good company.
A fine wine.
May you enjoy all three.
Clean glasses and old corks.
A bottle of good wine, like a good act,
shines ever in the retrospect.


Here’s a bumper of wine; fill thine, fill mine:
Here’s a health to old Noah, who planted the vine!


Here’s to the man
Who owns the land
That bears the grape
That makes the wine
That tastes as good
As this does.


Here’s to the water, water divine–
It dews the grapes that give us wine.


To the big bellied bottle.
When I die–the day be far!
Should the potter make a jar
Out of this poor clay of mine,
Let the jar be filled with wine!


May friendship surround the table.


Wine and Women–May we always have a taste for both.


Wine improves with age–I like it more the older I get.

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